Kamay Na Bakal Ang Sagot

Mula nung Sabado ng gabi, wala akong gana kumain. Wala namang kaso saken kasi hindi rin naman ako nakararamdam ng gutom. Ang nakapagtataka napansin ito sa bahay. Dahil wala naman akong ibang maidahilan, sinabi ko ang totoo. Ayoko lang basta kumain. Violent reaction. Mawalan daw ako ng gana kung wala na akong makain.

Kanina habang nagtitiklop ng mga nilabhang damit sa sala, naalala ko yung librong aksidente ko lang na binasa. Natabunan na ang kanyang istorya ng mga nobelang hiniram ko sa Library na pinagpiyestahan ko sa loob ng ilang magkakasunod na gabi. Pero kanina parang tinutuya ako ng sarili kong isip. Oo, natabunan na nga pero merong naiwang impresyon sa aking alaala na hindi ko maikakaila. At siguro, sabihin nang nakarananas ako ng isang klase ng 'shock' habang nagbabasa, bilang depensa ng utak e ni-repress ang dahilan ng 'shock' sa aking subconscious. Pero nagkataong 'idle' ang utak ko kanina kaya marahil, sinamantala ito ng subconscious at nagpaimbulong sa aking conscious mind ang mapait na alaala.

At dahil ako ay isa lamang bagay na kinokontrol ng utak, Wala akong nagawa kundi balikan ang libro at hanapin ang bahagi kung saan ko na-engkwentro ang 'shock'.

May aaminin ako. Mula pa nung kolehiyo, pinagdududahan ko na ang takbo ng sarili kong utak. Dahil utak siya, alam kong kinokontrol niya ako. At dahil utak nga siya, sinasamantala niya ang kahinaan ko. May pagkasadista ang linsyak na utak na 'yan. Yung mga bagay na hindi ko dapat pinapakialaman, pinag-aaksyaahan ng panahon, o dapat na kinakalimutan na, ay pilit na ikinukulit sa akin na tuklasin ko raw sa pormang katumbas ng diwang 'curiosity' o kaya ibinabalik sa aking alaala sa pormang katumbas ng diwang 'trauma'.

Ito ang nagbigay ng labis na anxiety sa akin. Alam kong di ako tatantanan ng utak ko kung patuloy kong ire-repress sa subconscious ang bagay na ito.

Eto na...

Nothing means more to me than freedom and equality. But in Japan, hierarchy has been a fact of life for centuries. The Japanese have learned to trust their proper place in life, to depend on the security that comes with a stuctured social order. Right and wrong, fair and unfair, even personal happiness are largely irrelevant. Virtue depends on recognizing one's place in the vast web of mutual interdependance that makes up their society.

The concept is deeply rooted in Japanese history. The country has always had a strong caste and class structure, but in 1603 one man succeeded in uniting the country and establishing a rigidly hierarchical society that would last for 250 years. His name was Shogun Ieyasu Tokugawa, and his rigid rule of law has molded the patterns of Japanese relationships to this day.

Tokugawa divided society into four classes. Every family had to post their class position on their doorway, and everyone was obliged to live according to that place within the hierarchy. At the top of the pecking order were the samurai, the military elite; next came the farmers, the backbone of society, harshly controlled and heavily taxed; then the artisans; and finally the merchants, who created nothing and were therefore thought of as parasites. Beneath them were the classless--the beggars, the blind, and the untouchables--groups so scorned that they were not even counted in the yearly census.

As time went on, the Tokugawa shogunate tightened their control over every aspect of daily life. Most peasants were no longer allowed to eat the rice they grew--only coarse grain and millet. Headmen might be permitted to wear rough silk, but the ordinary farmer had to content himself with linen or cotton. Neither could wear red or pink, or clothes that had been dyed into any sort of pattern. Even the size of the stitching was specified. Farmers were allowed to use a pack saddle when riding but forbidden to place a blanket on it. Sumptuary laws controlled the kind of house each citizen could live in, the amount of money he could spend on a funeral, and the size of umbrella he was allowed to own.

To justify his iron grip on society, the shogun invoked the teachings of Confucius, which placed great emphasis on proper behavior and obedience. Confucianism taught that all human relationships could be classified into five types: ruler/subject, faqther/son, husband/wife, older brother/younger brother, and friends. Certain rules and behaviors must be observed to maintain order in these relationships. It was everyone's duty to accept his lot with good grace and to obey his superiors without question.

For the next 250 years Japan remained suspended in time. A legal ban on progress and invention froze society in place. Contact with the outside world was forbidden on pain of death. Every detail of life was fixed and predetermined. There was no liberty, but there was peace and safety in knowing what one was supposed to do. Farmers tilled the land just as their grandfathers had, wore the same clothes, and abided by the same rules. As generation followed generation, hierarchy and structure gradually wove themselves into the fabric of society.

In 1868 the shogun was overthrown and the class system abolished. The disbanded samurai cut their topknots, donned business suits, and joined the new government. They proceed to build a modern nation on the same value system by which they had been raised: loyalty to superiors, respect for authority, hierarchical structure, highly formalized systems of behavior, one's proper place in the social order. Despite the extraordinary changes of the past 130 years, Japanese society is still based on the warrior ethic. People from neat lines when the bus arrives, and trains are always on schedule. Taxi drivers wear white gloves and keep their vehicles meticulously clean. Children are obedient, and everyone waits patiently for the light to change. And when a superior has a chore for you, you do it without complaint.

"If you want to learn to be a good Japanese, you must learn how to suffer," Roberto says. "You must learn discipline and patience."

(pp.94-96, Japanland: A Year in Search of Wa by Karin Muller)

Nagkakasala ako sa pagbabasa ng parteng 'yan ng libro.

Inggit. Galit. Hinanakit. Inggit. Suklam. Inggit. Inggit. Poot. Inggit. Inggit. Inggit. Inggit to infinity!!!

Gusto kong magsisi dahil hindi ako umayos noon sa pakikinig sa klase ng Kas 1. Marami sanang sinasabi si Villan pero mas pinili kong maging tanga.

At ngayon nga ako ay nagtagumpay sa pagpapakatanga.

Andami kong tanong. Andami kong gustong malaman. Andami kong gustong matuklasan. Pero nag-aalinlangan ako. Nadidiyahe ako. Dahil dapat matagal ko na 'tong alam. Dahil dapat noon ko pa ito naintindihan. Dahil dapat hindi na ako nagtatanong sa edad kong ito. Nasaan ang pinagkatandaan ko?

Ang mga katanungan ng isang matagumpay na Tanga:

1. Sa kasaysayan ng bayan kong Pilipinas, anong kwento sa Martial Law? (Hindi dahilan ang petsa ng kapanganakan para hindi ko ito malaman pero kaya nga naging isa akong matagumpay na Tanga.)

Naitanong ko dahil baka pwedeng i-hambing sa 'kamay na bakal' ni Tokugawa. At dahil ito lang ang naaalala ko sa aking pinag-aralan sa loob ng labing-anim na taong inilagi ko sa iskwelahan bilang estupidyante.

2. Follow-up question: Anong impact ng Martial Law?

Naitanong ko dahil baka pwedeng i-hambing sa 'legacy' ni Tokugawa, kung sakaling meron mang positibong epekto. Pero palagay ko ay wala? Dahil...

3. Kulang ba talaga tayo sa disiplina?

Naitanong ko ito dahil napansin kong walang kwenta ang pedestrian lane, No Smoking, No Loading/Unloading, No Parking, Bawal Umihi Dito, Bawal Magtapon, Please Fall in Line, at iba pang simple/maliliit na batas. Pero maliit man daw ay nakapupuwing. Kung walang discipline and obedience sa mga bagay na ito, ano pa kaya sa mas mabibigat na batas?

Kung ako ang sasagot sa sarili kong tanong, na dapat naman nga ay hindi ko na tinatanong dahil dapat alam ko na ang sagot pero hindi dahil nga ako ay matagumpay na Tanga, ito ang kasagutan ko:

1. wala
2. wala
3. oo

Kaysaklap.



Ngayong nailabas ko na'to, sana bumalik na ang gana ko sa pagkain.