May I Go Out?

I am scared of Math.

I used to like Math though, back in my elementary days. Math was simple, easy, and fun then.

I started to fear Math on my third year in high school. I didn’t like Geometry. I think a part of it was due to the teacher factor. Equations, formulas and concepts became quite complicated and I felt like running after Math on an endless race during our sessions day after day. I wasn’t able to comprehend the lessons so I ended up hating Math. I loathed Math because I wasn’t able to appreciate it anymore; because I wasn’t able to endure my puzzlement any longer. I hated what I don’t understand. I feel betrayed. And I fear for it.

A part of me wanted to admit Math as my high school grudge. I lost the top honors to a Math wiz. I nearly lost my mind because I was a consistent top student since elementary.

And so Math became a curse, a threat, to my college life. I’ve become more intimidated with higher Math alongside my insecurity of genius instructors and classmates.

I felt so ashamed of myself every time I enter Math building. I felt so slow, that I could hardly catch up with the lessons during classes. Worse, I felt too stupid on exams.

I was so hopeless that I’ve come to accept that my capability in Math problems lies on 3 alone. I didn’t even doubt the possibility of getting a grade of 5. Passing the course was the only goal I had set myself with.

Math has been a big threat to my self-esteem since the day I attended the first day on my Geometry class, back in high school.

Until now Math makes me still feel like I’m a totally idiot person hardly with logical mind. :(


Essay for my Math 1 class (MHY section, 1st Sem SY 2006-2007)