The Chemistry Between Cone And Ice Cream

I craved for ice cream. Coincidentally, I found out that there’s a brain freeze ice-cream eating contest on my way to the jeepney stop.

I didn’t join though.

Anyway, I end up gorging two cups of yogurt. I missed detoxifying my body loaded with fake foods (junk and fast foods). I might as well probably restart all over again. No, I am not on a diet. Good diet is a much more appropriate term.

Good thing I passed the exam in Chemistry. I admit I thought I was going to flunk because I had difficulty on this exam compared to the previous one where I failed by a mere 0.5-point. I recall my instructor asking us earlier in the lab if anybody’s going to drop the subject so she could release our grade standing. Nobody made a reply. Nobody reacted. Nobody cared, because nobody is dropping anyway. Except for somebody who's toying the idea at that very moment. See, I also flunk my first lab exam. I studied. But I guess, it wasn't enough.

I don’t know. I don’t know just how much more effort I should exert, just to pass and get a fairly good grade in Chemistry and the rest of my subjects. I don’t actually want to push myself to the limit.

I simply don’t want to suffer much because it would hurt me tenfold. Been there, done that. I don't want to repeat the mess anymore. I've given up being in vain. And just like what my favorite author said on one of his books, I don’t need to prove anything. I’m tired of competing with myself. Maybe I should already learn from my past.

I could, however, keep a good job if I find it interesting. There’s a quote that says, “It isn’t lack of capacity, just a lack of desire.” I guess that’s a perfect explanation of my situation.

I seemed to lose interest more and more. I gave up music concerts, television, even the least of movies I watch, and people. I could still appreciate nature, though – the trees, the flowers, the vast green fields, the blue sky, the white fluffy clouds, and especially the sunset and full moon. And BOOKS.

My heart is aching. I’m not speaking in metaphor. I’m dying, I guess. It happened twice already. Arteriosclerosis? What if I have a heart disease? Too much cholesterol, eh? Other times my right temple would also hurt. No I don’t think I have a migraine. I gave up that idea long ago. If I would have to contract a disease I wouldn’t want it to make me suffer so much. Endure being a corpse-like. Barely alive, yet struggling. Struggling? That’s the worst I could ever imagine. I’ve struggled enough to live a life, why would I still be struggling until the end? That’s not fair. That’s not even natural. Anyway, I want instant death. So with my heart aching right now, perhaps I would have a heart attack, and that’s it. I’m dead. Bye, world. So long! Farewell! See you all soon. Though I’m not excited looking forward to it just yet. I want to spoil myself some space. I mean my space, finally.

Where was I again?

I’m supposed to be talking about my long day in school. I’m quoting my teacher in my last subject today for telling the class that “Abstract as something having of no particular use.” It didn’t make sense. Or did it? I suddenly thought of Religion… and Faith. And much more abstract things I could think of.

Since I slept pretty early last night, I crammed my reading of The Cancer of Society by Derbyshire, particularly the last twelve chapters, including the Epilogue. I reread the chapters about Tarsilo, Don Filipo, and the arrest of Crisostomo, and Elias learning that Don Pedro Ibarramienda is actually Crisostomo’s great grandfather.

We had a long and tiring experiment and I had to leave my groupmates still working with the reflux, so that I can catch up with my next class and recite everything I’ve read. Unluckily, or luckily, my professor’s away to have his medical checkup, so we have no class. I was about to pant on my way up to the fourth floor when I met my classmates on the second floor and they told me about it.

So I had a long lunch break. But not quite long, though. My favorite canteen is jam-packed with hungry souls. I almost walked out for not spotting a table, but I was lucky as soon as I paid for my order because I was spared. I even shared a seat with an old lady, who at first seemed to be eager but as she came nearer, became hesitant until at last I gave up my indifference and decided to offer her the seat.

I spent two hours in the library and finished reading chapter 20. Reading, or was it highlighting and underlining keywords? Keywords, or was it underlining almost all the words? Whatever. At least I tried to read and understand. Not all, but at least a bit. It could make a difference when my cramming day has come again. That’s two weeks from now. I was slightly perplexed on the discussion of Glycolysis. But later on, I pondered it’s just a matter of familiarity with terminologies that makes it so baffling. The process is straightforward. Good thing the professor has already condensed everything into two blackboards, or was it three? Anyway, the bottom line is, the net ATP produced is two. I could go on but I wouldn’t want to be a lecturer online. I’ll never be a teacher. No way. It’s impossible! It’ll be blasphemous.

Mosquitoes are starting to feast on my legs already so I’m going to switch on the light now and continue my life out there.