Monday, April 2, 2007

I'm Not Okay

that i'm not feeling the tears welling up in my eyes as i rode the Ikot on my way here

that i haven't been on a major-final-exam-equated-to-a-removal exam just now

that i didn't absorb what was written on the exam paper that read "this is your last chance to pass this course... this is the easiest exam... prove that you deserve to be in ---..." in exclamation!

that i am not feeling ashamed

that i am not putting much effort up to the point of vanity

that i don't give a damn about my grades

that i don't take life so seriously

that i do not entertain the thought of leaving school and that it never crossed my mind ever since i experienced my first flunking grade three years ago

that i am not occasionally asking myself why, how---

that i am not guilt-stricken of the financial aid which i'm just wasting on three's and five's

that i am not freaking out the way i think and behave that i must have been experiencing clinical depression or that i have a disease more serious than Vitamin C deficiency because of a bruise that just suddenly appears on my knee, arm, or leg for the past three weeks

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